Year 2020!

It is the year 2020 and call centers are opening all over
the West, as the new economic power India outsources work to
the countries where many jobs originated. Millions of
Americans, still struggling to adapt to a global economy,
are willing to accept jobs that pay them in a new currency
sweeping much of the world: EuRupees.

Some of them, eager to land one of the customer service jobs
from India, are attending special training sessions in New
York City, led by language specialist Dave Ramsey, who goes
by a simpler name for his Indian clients: Devendra
Ramaswaminathan.

On this warm afternoon, the professor is teaching three
ambitious students how to communicate with Indian customers.

Professor: "Okay, Gary, Randy and Jane, first we need to
give you Indian names. Gary, from now on, you'll be known to
your customers as Gaurav. Randy, you'll be Ranjit. And Jane,
you'll be Jagadamba. Now imagine you just received a call
from Delhi. What do you say?"

Gary: "Name as tea?"

Professor: "I think you mean 'namaste.' Very good. But what
do you say after that?"

Gary: "How can I help you?"

Professor: "You're on the right track. Anyone else?"

Jane: "How can I be helping you?"

Professor: "Good try! You're using the correct tense, but
it's not quite right. Anyone else?"

Randy: "How I can be helping you?"

Professor: "Wonderful! Word order is very important. Okay,
let's try some small talk. Give me a comment that would help
you make a connection with your Indian customers."

Randy: "It's really hot, isn't it?"

Professor: "The heat is always a good topic, but you haven't
phrased it correctly. Try again."

Randy: "It's deadly hot, isn't it?"

Professor: "That's better. But your tag question can be
greatly improved."

Randy: "It's deadly hot, no?"

Professor: "Wonderful! You can put 'no?' at the end of
almost any statement. You are understanding me, no?"

Jane: "Yes, we are understanding you, no?"

Professor (smiles): "We may need to review this later. But
let's move on to other things. Have you ever heard Indians
use the word 'yaar'?"

Randy: "Yes, my Indian friends use it all the time. Just
last night, one of them said to me, 'Randy, give me yaar
password. I am needing it to fix yaar computer."

Professor (laughs): "That's a different 'yaar,' yaar. The
'yaar' that I'm talking about means friend or buddy. You can
use it if you've developed a camaraderie with a customer.
For example, you can say, 'Come on, yaar. I am offering you
the best deal.' Do you understand, Jagadamba?"

Jane: "Yaar, I do."

Professor (smiles): "Okay, let's talk about accents. If your
client says 'I yam wery vorried about vat I bought for my
vife,' how would you respond?"

Randy: "Please don't be vorrying, yaar. She vill be wery
happy."

Professor: "Vunderful! I mean, wonderful. You have a bright
future, Ranjit. And so do you, Jagadamba. But Gaurav, you
haven't said anything in a while. Do you have any questions
about what we've just learned?"

Gary: "Yes, Professor, I do have one question: Wouldn't it
be simpler to learn to speak Hindi?"

By: Melvin Durai